*W’PSH!* Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies! My name is JackSepticEye, and welcome back to Kingdom, i guess you could say. This is Kingdom New Lands. They changed the name of the game and they don’t even sell the other version anymore, that I DID play, um, in my other series, now it’s just Kingdom New Lands. Apparently it’s a lot different. They- They said they added a whole bunch more stuff, THIS is new already! This Ghost Lady? Hello! Are you guiding me? So I dunno what’s- I dunno if there’s like a shit ton of stuff that’s different, or if it’s just little tiny tiny pieces here and there. But I wanted to give it a try, I absolutely love this game, the other series I did on it, I was really happy with. I had a lot of fun playing it, and a lot of people seemed to enjoy it, I just- I love the look of the game as well. Are you tutorializing me? Here you go dude. Oh, there’s 2 of you! There you go dude. Can I buy- buy a bow? Yeahh, and do I hafta buy a hammer? So, we- we’ll see what happens. If stuff isn’t THAT much different, then we’ll play by ear, umm, buy a hammer. 3?! I thought it was always 2 for a bow and 2 for a hammer. Or am I absolutely batshit crazy? Probably. I’ma build 2 walls, I’ma build a wall there, and a wall here, ’cause I need all mah walls! So if- if you haven’t seen the last series, this is a game where monsters attack every night. And then every 5th night, was it? The BLOOD MOON would happen, and a shit ton more monsters would attack So, I hafta build up my defenses either side, and then I can increase my warriors and all this type of
shizzy-shaz. Um, so I just hafta survive for as long as I possibly can. I need to recruit more people as well. Wait, the Trader’s here already, and there’s an outpost right next to my thing. This is fucking great! AND there’s another outpost! What?! Before, it was kinda randomized, where you’d have- well, maybe it is still randomized, where you have outposts way outside your area, so… maybe they changed it, I dunno. There you go, somebody get a bow. *GASP* THEY RUN NOW!
(SPEED IS KEY!) Oh my god! That changes everything! Before they never ran! So they’d go out and get themselves killed all the time, or they wouldn’t be able to get back in time, because they were too slow! *clap* Fuckin’ great addition! I already love it more, hehe. Uh, I need more coins. Can you kill all the rabbits? Thanks. *coins ding* *immitates ding* I need more archers than I do builders. Do I have 4 archers now? 2 builders and 4 archers might be a good thing to start off with, but I need more money to build up my walls even stronger. Build the walls. Build it, and they will come! Can you guys give me money? There we go. Thankers! Another one!
*meme* Another one. Wait, do I need 3? Yep, another one! GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY! Or don’t, it’s fine. We’ll just see if we can survive the first wave tonight, I mean, we’re probably not going to, we’re probably gonna die, but… Is that a dude? No. We’re probably gonna die, and that’s fine, I mean, I’m not pointin’ any fingers… I blame all THESE guys. Where are the monsters comin’ from? God only knows. *sings* God only knows where I’d be without you. WHAT I’d be without you. I sang the song wrong. Where are the monsters? C’mon, I wanna start killin’ shit! Are they over here? Oh, they ARE over here. I really wish my other archer dudes would come over and fuckin’ help, but… We survived, so that’s cool. Thank you! For killing all of them mon-stairs. I needed them dead. Now, go out! Be fruitful! Go out and kill more stuff!
(Quoting the Old Testament?) Why are you outside the wall? I mean, there’s no more monsters comin’, but why are you out here? Get back in and be safe! God, that was another thing as well, when you sent- If you sent dudes out too far, like if I tried to build another wall here before nighttime happened, then they’d go BEYOND this wall and start building it at nighttime, I wonder if that’s changed. Maybe. Then again, it WAS part of the mechanics to be like “Hey, don’t be stupid and send your guys out at nighttime!” *church bells ring*
*dings along* Where’s my chest?
(Between your armpits?) Ahh, there’s no chest anymore! That’s why YOU’RE here! Eauuuuuuu… And then I do THAT to get it… back? I don’t understand this. BEFORE, you had a chest. And the chest gave you coins at the end of the day… I dunno what’s goin’ on, we’re gonna hafta figure this out as we go, but I have to go out, and INCREASE my army. The fact that guys just run around now, makes it SO much better! Here you go, plonk! Any more dudes? Ok, let’s go out a little, and see what’s in the forest. My horse is getting tired. Oo! Shriney shrine! Shriney shrine! I need this as well, I forget what this does, but I need it. How many do we need? *coin sounds ascend in pitch* Ah, I don’t have enough! No- Stop that! I need my horse to rest. Is there grass here that you can eat? No. Come on, Clippy Clop! Get with the game! Where are you even going? Oh-kay, so now I hafta send HIM back and forth. Tha’s weird! Here you go, join my army! I swear it’s not a cult. Now I’ma put 3 into my fire. You hafta build up your kingdom as well. I can’t build really great walls until I upgrade my kingdom. And then I can build STONE WALLS. *Eastern European accent* Stone walls keep out everybody! We’ll see as well if I actually remembered any of my training from the last one. ‘Cause the last one, I did ok. The las- like the last episode of the last series. I did pretty decently at the game, but there was a lot *laughs nervously* I- uh, There was a lot that I fucked up, as well. But I was learnin’ as I was goin’ so we’ll see if I can actually remember any of that. Coins! Yay! Any more stragglers who want to be part of the Jack Army? No? Fine, I didn’t even fuckin’ wantcha anyway. That’s cool. How’s everybody doing? You all surviving the night well? That’s a nice warm fire I built for us, isn’t it? I love the reflections in the water! That’s super cool! ‘Cause like, I know it’s just a pixelated game, but some- it’s just gorgeous to look at! I really fuckin’ love it. Umm, I don’t need more hammers, I DO need to upgrade my thing again. How many coins do I need to upgrade? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5- 6!
(This has been Numbers With Jackaboy.) *bells chime* Speak of the devil. NICE! Can I upgrade my walls again yet? *bells still chiming* Ooo! Yes, now I can get farmers! Farmers are REALLY helpful, ’cause I can build like, little farms for them to- to till. Umm, ughh, but I also hafta increase my WALLS and everything as well, so, little by little, we’ll get it done. Oh I need to give a coin back to the horse dude so he can come back in the next day. GO! HORSEY! Gallop! Flyyyy! G- Here we go, here we go, and, ploonk! There we go. Thanks friend! And another archery dude, right. Probably shouldn’t have upgraded my thing so quick. Do you have any coins? Are you serious? Are you even killing ANYTHING out here? What are you guys EVEN DOING? Right, maybe we should check what’s off over here. I know the PORTAL is over here, because the monsters keep attackin’ from this side all the time. But we’ll see if there’s any more, ’cause normally you can find chests out in the forest as well. *super Irish accent* And they’ll give you a shit ton of coins, and sure then, you’ll be grand! Then you’ll be- Then you’ll be suckin’ diesel. Don’t do this to me, horse! Not now. Waddafuk is this? This is a boat! Whaaat? Can I build a boat? COINS! I need these. Is this grass that I can eat? No. *coins clink out* Oh, glorious majesty! Fuck yeah, that’s a lotta coins! Do I send my dudes out to build a wall out here? *laughs* Get them killed immediately. NO, I’m just kiddin’, I’m not gonna be a sillers! Right, time to head back! I’MA COMMIN’ MEN! Come on, new guy. Get with th- *snap* There you go, get with the program! Lickety split now! We’re not runnin’ a fuckin’ cruise ship here! Ok, so I have a lot of archers, now I can start gettin’ my farmers I think, ’cause farmers are where you get your money. That’s where you start getting a SHIT ton of money. And I think these are archery TOWERS? *coins ding* Yeah, let’s build one of these! Give my builder something to do at nighttime so they’re not outside the walls either. Umm, When you build archery towers, then you- you have guys like permanently up there who can shoot down on guys. That’s really helpful too! I like how I’m explaining all this stuff again, even though I’ve, like, I’ve already done it. Hmmm, I don’t think I wanna increase that again just yet. Now I have 3 dudes down there, and 1 in the tower. What is THIS? What? Oh is this the catapults? Before, they were inside the wall! Who are YOU?! What is any of this? Oh god, I’m confused, there’s so much new shit. Can I build better walls yet? Dammit. Ok let’s build- let’s get a farmer. And is there a stream up here? Dammit, there’s not. You get that, and go back and be a farmer for me please. Ok, I know there’s a stream- Wait, can I build it here? No. I know there’s a stream to the other side, I’m not gettin’ rid of any of these TREES either, ’cause they’re a great recruitment place. Um, what do YOU do? He has like a big hat on. Oh god, I’m so confused! There’s a little stream over here, so I can build a farm over here, I believe. Right? Yes. Builders, can you come over and do that please? I’m just gonna chop these trees. I might need new builders. No, go build the thing first! You can get THAT on the way back! Siller builders… Ooo! I get a coin BACK for knocking down trees. That didn’t happen before, you spent a coin and that was it. That’s awesome! I get TWO coins outta the trees! Well, sometimes. Knock down that. So now I should have a farmer and everything should be good. And I might increase my walls over here as well. Get that deer, get the deer! KILL IT! YOU SUCK! Fuckin’ “Katniss Everdeen” my ass. Can I upgrade these walls yet? No. Dammit! Do I still need more? Shit. Do you have coins? DOES ANYBODY HAVE COINS? GIMME COINS! Please. Anybody? No. You guys are TERRIBLE at this. So I found the boat before, and then when you go into the menu and you click this, it shows the boat and like a map… but… What? Ok. Maybe I have to get the boat. Ooo! I did see in the trailer that everybody was on a boat at the end of it, but I thought it was like- I thought it was just like a thing, like “coming to the new land” kind of thing, I didn’t think it was part of the actual game. That’s pretty cool. We’re on day 5 so… I think Blood Moon happens tonight, and I’m dangerously low on money. I have a lot of resources though. I mean, like I have good walls, I have 2 farmers… Yay, everybody runs BEHIND the walls now at nighttime! Cool! Wait, does- do you still run behind them though if I send you out at the wrong time? I have 2 farmers and 1 farm, but only 1 farmer went to it. The other guy just stayed over the other side. Unless… Unless you’re racist dude. You’re not a RACIST are you? No… No, I wouldn’t hire a racist. *laughs* Ok, kill those guys.
(What do you mean “Those guys?”) This isn’t Blood Moon! Am I mistaken for thinkin’ it was- Ohh come on, hit them! Am I mistaken for thinkin’ it was every 5 days? It USED to be. I think *laughs* Maybe I’m wrong, I dunno, I still need a lot more money though, to be able to increase shit, and I wanna do the boat thing now! Unless that just brings me to a new area. Is it a case of you get the boat and then you go off to another map like this? Who knows? Who gives a diddle? We’ll find out eventually. Oo! The rain! The rain and the thunder! Oh it’s really cozy sounding. I love it! Um, a thing I noticed as well is I can’t upgrade my thing anymore. Like my actual main kingdom thing.? That’s strange. Farmers, can you farm? That’d be great, and builders, you come over and knock down these. I dunno what knocking down the trees does, I can’t remember. I know it lets you increase the distance of your camp… But, beyond that, I don’t know if there’s actually any value to just doing it, but, I mean… Why not? I get my coins BACK now. Thanks, thanks, ‘preciate it. I’ma go over here and see if I can put money into this boat. Hopefully I can. Please tell me I have enough. I don’t wanna come all the way out here, and then I go- hafta go all the way back. ‘Cause it’s spooky scary at nighttime! And this is where the monsters come from, after all. Oh, I don’t even have close. I need 10. Oh Jesus, RUN AWAY! *laughs* *a very deep grinding noise, like someone slid a boulder* What was that? Something let out a big, deep, low rumble. *coin sounds ascend in pitch* Ah, god. I need so much for everything. Ok, just increase this wall, because if Blood Moon happens, I need 2 layers of defense. *small sustained rumble* Oh, this HAS to be it, everything’s gettin’ spooky now, all of a sudden. Oo I don’t like it! Can ya stop? Oo! I hired more dudes, didn’t I? And I didn’t give them anything. Ok, I hired 2 dudes, but only, I only hafta given a bow to one of them, this dude has nothing to do so… This could be the night. *deep voice* The night to end all nights. Get ready men! Get ready with your bows. FINALLY you start fuckin’ yielding some progress. THANK YOU! Jesus, ok, I’m not sending builders out to do ANYTHING right now. See, I can’t upgrade THESE yet, to stone ones, because I can’t upgrade my- my main fort! So I don’t know what’s goin’ on with that. Hello? Umm… Another bowman, ’cause why the fuck not? You can never have enough of them. Well actually, I guess you could. Is there any more- Yes, ok. Come join me sire! Yep, here’s Blood Moon. I will give you some land to till! And I might need to get another builder. Just so I have enough dudes doing enough jobs. Can you eat some grass? The- Are you not hungry? Ok. That’s fine. Let’s go over and see if the battle is commencing! I’m not hearin’ anything… The battle’s over! My guys just destroyed ass! That’s fuckin’ awesome! *laughs* Yay! We survived! Good job men! Uh oh! They got through! They got through my wall! Shit! No my farmer! Don’t go get your scythe, stay THERE! I have no archers over this side, all my archers are gone. WHY?! You have a scythe, swing it at him! At least they’re smart enough not to go out. There’s only 1 guy left. Ok, yeah, yeah, he’s leavin’. They leave in the morning. Can I REALLY not send my archers either side? I fuckin’ HATE that! Knowing I have a shit ton of dudes who can actually fight and help. But not really. Okay. I need to- I need to get like 2 more dudes back. One of those guys got a- a bow back. But I lost a farmer! Uggh that’s frustrating! At least you don’t wander too far. There, go back and get a bow! Did I lose some of my guys? Did they run away? Probably. So annoying! I need way more archers. ‘Cause if the Blood Moon comes again, and there’s a lotta dudes comin’ that side, I might be a little “El Fucto!” Can you guys till the land and get all the shit out of it please? I want money! C’mon fellas. Kill them all this time please. Aw, the same thing’s gonna happen again. Uh oh. Uh oh! UH OH! RUNNNNNNNNN!!! Run men! OH JESUS, YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE! NO!!! *relieved* Oh they just took coins and left, oh thank god. Oh wait, I didn’t mean to do that. Ah, shit. God Almighty! It’s hard t’ keep them alive! I need WAY more archers. All the money I get this time, I’m puttin’ it in to archers. I think I lost some of my builders this time as well. Ugggh! I really REALLY wish the game had- Ooh, thanks! I really really wish the game had a solution for being able to send archers different directions. Like “Send Archers Left,” “Send Archers Right” kind of thing. I mean I guess that kinda makes it too easy, but… come on! Right, my FARMERS better get more money, because I have no money now to recruit all the guys I just lost. I mean, no money is good too… I love no money… Remember all that no money I wish I had? Brilliant. Ok, well, all my walls are fucked, and I lost a bunch of dudes, so I’m gonna leave this episode here. I might play more, and see how much deeper into the game I can get, if there actually is a lot different. If any of YOU know any of the differences as well, please let me know, because I would really like to know if it’s worth pursuing, or if there actually is a LOT more new stuff in it. There’s less Blood Moons, dudes actually run around this time, and some of the pricing seems to be a bit different but other than that, can’t really see anything too majorly different. Um, I mighta fucked up my kingdom as well because, right now, I’m not making any money to branch it out. I’m just sustaining the people I have, and that’s not a good idea, but for now, THANK YOU GUYS so much for watching this episode. If you LIKED it, PUNCH that Like Button, in the FACE, LIKE A BOSS! And, high fives all around. *W’PSH* *W’PSH!* But thank you guys, and I will see all you dudes… IN THE NEXT VIDEO! “You first.” I’ll be a gentleman, I’ll be gentlemanly, and just-
*”I’m Everywhere” by Teknoaxe plays throughout* Go ahead Vee, tell me ALL about your boring life! I mean, tell me all about your life. Boring. FUCK! *laughs* “Why don’t you tell me first-”
*MUSIC ENDS* Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done. Uhh That ‘will’ will be to destroy all humans!